The Casa

I am really going to miss this house...

I know I've been kvetching about all the work we're doing on the house
to get it ready to sell ---work we didn't get around to in the three
years that we've lived here.

But I love this house.

Especially now that L* has repainted the study and decorated it
so beautifully, that me and the cat's just want to hang out in here.
Especially now that she's broought colors and images together
for me in a way that makes such wonderful sense.

So I also want to thank this house for giving us our own space,
our own greater Mexico in the midwest.

And think how lucky I am that L* will make our home (and show
me what to do to make our home) wherever we go.

New Mexico Dream

I'm at a hospital in New Mexico, just for visiting hours

When I leave, I forget my bag. When I come back for it, there's some kind of a manhunt going on, with a hostage situation. (Everybody in this dream is Chicano unless otherwise noted)

A nurse lets me back in to get my bag, then they clear out the waiting room and emergency room.

Some of us have to go line up in the hallway behind a barrier and crouch down and hide our faces

Then they bring him in, the news is bad (he beat her to death?)

Then i go take a shower, because there's a shower right there but the nurse tells me its time to go, i have to go with her.

She's brought me a shirt to wear, kind of a smocky t-shirt thing it's brand new, still full of pins and cardboard, but it's also old--someone gave it to her a long time ago.

I put on the shirt and go with her. We get in a little boat and go upstream. When we get to a landing, there's a lot of familia there to greet us

The mood shifts from happy--reunion--to somber, mourning

to solemn, prayerful, singing of songs.

There's recognition of where the family members have come from including an ivy-league daughter

The paterfamilias is saying that she was a natural born genius at 14.

I'm still pulling the pins out of the outfit I'm wearing for a long time. Then a child is sitting with me, and i'm pulling the pins out of her clothes--no wonder they're picking her!--and then I see that there's also some pins stuck in her head, but i just pull them out and don't say anything

We're eating all kinds of things--chicken--and I keep crunching and pulling out bones (teeth?). One of the bones i pull out of my mouth is actually alike an aztec figure. I want to give it to the nephew, but paterfamilias is starting to speak so the kid shushes me.

At Loose Ends

What is it about putting stuff in boxes that makes me feel lost, lost, lost?

It's just stuff. It's not really my life.